Words Matter
I want to ask each of you to help me in my efforts to defeat Proposition 8 on the California ballot on November 4. I know this post looks long, but if you read all the way through, I promise you some juicy details at the end!
Tim and I will be celebrating 10 years together this December and as dear friends, you have all been terribly supportive of us as a couple over that time. Politically though, these 10 years have been a constant roller coaster in terms of gay rights and gay marriage. In 2000, almost 62% of California voters passed the Knight Initiative (Proposition 22, also oddly named the “California Defense of Marriage Act”) effectively banning same sex marriage in the State.
Then on February 12, 2004, Mayor Newsom of San Francisco began to issue marriage licenses to same sex couples, believing that the state laws governing same sex marriage were discriminatory and unconstitutional.
As you all know, Tim and I waited in line for 16 hours that weekend, and on February 15, we were married in city hall. We were one of 3,955 same sex couples that were legally married from February 12 to March 11 of that year, when the California Supreme Court ordered the City of San Francisco to stop issuing same sex marriage licenses pending legal review. Unfortunately, on August 12 of that year, the Supreme Court declared all 3,955 marriages void. The state sent Tim and I a letter informing us that we were no longer legally married. We keep that letter with the original marriage certificate.
Tim and I never stopped loving each other. Voiding our marriage did not make us feel differently about one another nor did it change anything in our day to day routines. Fortunately, we are surrounded by friends and family like you that continued to support us and support our relationship. We have never stopped wearing the rings that we exchanged that day in 2004.
But here we are today, fighting the battle be accepted yet again. Proposition 8 on this year’s November Ballot (aptly titled “Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry“) will, if passed, add the following to the state constitution:
Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California
This will effectively remove any right for Tim and I, and the thousands of other gay couples in the state, to be married - a right that was only earlier this year upheld by the California Supreme Court.
At this point, we know that 40% of voters will absolutely vote Yes on this proposition. We also know that 40% will vote No. It’s that undecided 20% that we need your help with. Polls as recent as this morning show that we are losing ground and that the majority of that 20% is leaning towards amending the constitution and removing our right to marry.
Frankly, it would be wrong for me to presume how each of you stand on this issue. Personal beliefs are just that, personal. But I do ask you to consider how important an issue we are dealing with here. This is about equality as much as anything else. Some would argue that this is not about rights but about “protecting the sanctity of marriage”. After all, Tim and I have many of the same legal rights as married couples under domestic partnership, so why should the use of the word “marriage” matter? I can only speak personally on that point: to me, words matter. Did it change my life to be told that my marriage was no longer valid? Nope. But I can tell you that it hurt. It hurt my feelings to be told that at some level, my relationship with Tim had to be segregated and differentiated from everyone else’s.
So here is the bottom line. We are worried. We are very worried that as we get closer and closer to the election, the odds are becoming greater and greater that the proposition will pass. Churches and other organizations, many outside of the state, are sending millions of dollars and busing thousands of volunteers into California to help with the Yes on 8 campaign. And this action is swaying the crucial 20%.
I am also very worried about the 40% that will vote No. Will they take the time to vote? Will they take the time to get all the way to the end of ballot to vote on this proposition?
We are so worried that we are getting married (again). Even if Proposition 8 passes, it is very likely that any marriage performed before the amendment will remain valid. So on Thursday morning, October 23rd, Tim and I will again exchange vows at City Hall in San Francisco. A huge part of me is filled with joy to have the privilege of once again publicly declaring our love and commitment. But a little part of me is disappointed that I have to do this again, that somehow the first time did not count. Regardless though, we are thrilled to have the opportunity to marry, when so many in other parts are the country must still hide their commitment or relegate it to a second tier of legal standing. We hope that right is not taken away on November 4.
Money helps tremendously at this point and if you want to give (as Tim and I have done), use this site (I have a friend on their board and I know the money is well spent):
But in these last 17 days before November 4, the best thing you can do is to talk to people. Make it a point to let people you encounter in your daily life know that this is important. Put up a yard sign, wear a button, do whatever you can do to spread the word that you don’t stand for and will not tolerate exclusion and discrimination.
I think most people realize that some day, we will look back on this issue and feel disbelief that we ever even argued it. Let’s try to make that day come soon.
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